Used to be in one's life you had your BIRTHDAY and WEDDING as the big two you celebrated. Along with Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, July 4 and Easter. Then you added the birth's of your children.
That was pretty much the BIG 8.
Once we adopted our son I found out that NOOOO that is not enough. Along with your new child's birthday, there is the Day we MET you, COURT DAY, the day we picked you up otherwise known as GOTCHA DAY,the day we arrived home or FAMILY day. Some also throw in the we got the CALL day. Now I hear from other Mom's the newest thing is HALF YEAR BIRTHDAYS. I kid you not.
Now as an adoptive parent, all these moments that occurred on the way to each of our children are special and I can tell you the date and time and minute details of each one. They are precious to us and I will always remember them, mostly in the privacy of my own heart and mind. But invitation lists, catered food and gifts will never be a part of it. The initial gift of excitement, hope, faith and our new child were enough to last through all the other anniversaries of these dates and nothing else will ever stand up to and compare to that.
Why Try?
Parents of Bio children do not celebrate Conception Day, First missed Period Cotillion, A TOAST to the First Stretch mark or Hemorrhoid Ho Down or Thinned out Cervix Party. Nor do they continue with day we brought you home on a annual basis.
Both of ours were adopted during the month of Nov. So we quietly have made this family month. Just by chance there is a Russian Food Festival in a town about an hour away the first weekend of Nov. each year. We have made this our way of marking each year that we have been a family. No bells,no Whistles, no guests. Just a lovely day with our children, allowing them to keep in touch with their roots and we get to pig out on all the great food that takes us back to our time in Russia. Since our children were to young to even remember any time in Russia, it is really a reminiscence for us. They just enjoy the wedding cookies and the music and dancing. To them we have always been a family and always will, so any chance to run around outside in the fall air, well, that is just grand. Maybe they notice on this day that we gaze at them a little longer or that my husband and I sit a little closer and hold hands a little more on this day. They are not too curious about the quiet yet animated talk between us as we bit into a cabbage roll , a pierogi or borscht. The taste and smells transporting us back to that magical time in our lives.
Just as I am licking the remnants of an almond and pistachio paklava off my lips, my precious Rostovian/Russian/American offspring jolt me back to the present with a pleading "Can we stop at McDonald's on the way home,PLEASEEEE?" And in the residual glow of good food and happy memories and because it is a day of celebration and they are the guests of honor ,we say YES.
We hugely party down on the Big 8, but I hope that my children know each and every day how special they are and just to be with them is like winning a lottery ticket every morning when they wake up.
There are many adoptive parents that have big get togethers for Gotcha Day with guests and presents, I am certain that these big events have invited guests that are families that were formed in the usual and regular(dare I say boring) way who may wonder what the big deal is ,which then leads them to having to deal with a bio child wondering out loud where are their Gotcha day gifts and so on.
No dount that there will be many moments in your adoption that will remain as highpoints in your life as a parent. Days that are meant to be remembered and savored and maybe even marked in their passing in significant and private manner.
My children know they are adopted and our family is unique in the way it was built and we Thank God everyday that we were blessed to be together. Our goal , is the same as other adoptive families, to just be a plain old family. For others and ourselves to mostly forget the adopted part and just be the same as everyone as we live our life, A mom and A dad , A brother and A sister just like everyone else. I think by continually pointing out the each and every extraordinary milestone to them and the world on an annual basis would rob them of some of this sameness we hold so precious. I think every family, even those that have not gone through adoption should set aside a Family Day and take a pause and truly be thankful for each other and the journey it took to their children and mark that moment each year.
So before you print up those GOTCHA DAY Cookout announcements or send out those 'We have Been a Family for 5 years" invitations maybe you can think of a more private, personal and more easily carried on tradition for yourselves and your children,.
Gather all those special moments , emotions and love and pile it onto one day a year.
The rest of time the BIG 8 will do just fine.
Make that 9, forgot Halloween.
OK , make that 10, Summer Vacation!!
That was pretty much the BIG 8.
Once we adopted our son I found out that NOOOO that is not enough. Along with your new child's birthday, there is the Day we MET you, COURT DAY, the day we picked you up otherwise known as GOTCHA DAY,the day we arrived home or FAMILY day. Some also throw in the we got the CALL day. Now I hear from other Mom's the newest thing is HALF YEAR BIRTHDAYS. I kid you not.
Now as an adoptive parent, all these moments that occurred on the way to each of our children are special and I can tell you the date and time and minute details of each one. They are precious to us and I will always remember them, mostly in the privacy of my own heart and mind. But invitation lists, catered food and gifts will never be a part of it. The initial gift of excitement, hope, faith and our new child were enough to last through all the other anniversaries of these dates and nothing else will ever stand up to and compare to that.
Why Try?
Parents of Bio children do not celebrate Conception Day, First missed Period Cotillion, A TOAST to the First Stretch mark or Hemorrhoid Ho Down or Thinned out Cervix Party. Nor do they continue with day we brought you home on a annual basis.
Both of ours were adopted during the month of Nov. So we quietly have made this family month. Just by chance there is a Russian Food Festival in a town about an hour away the first weekend of Nov. each year. We have made this our way of marking each year that we have been a family. No bells,no Whistles, no guests. Just a lovely day with our children, allowing them to keep in touch with their roots and we get to pig out on all the great food that takes us back to our time in Russia. Since our children were to young to even remember any time in Russia, it is really a reminiscence for us. They just enjoy the wedding cookies and the music and dancing. To them we have always been a family and always will, so any chance to run around outside in the fall air, well, that is just grand. Maybe they notice on this day that we gaze at them a little longer or that my husband and I sit a little closer and hold hands a little more on this day. They are not too curious about the quiet yet animated talk between us as we bit into a cabbage roll , a pierogi or borscht. The taste and smells transporting us back to that magical time in our lives.
Just as I am licking the remnants of an almond and pistachio paklava off my lips, my precious Rostovian/Russian/American offspring jolt me back to the present with a pleading "Can we stop at McDonald's on the way home,PLEASEEEE?" And in the residual glow of good food and happy memories and because it is a day of celebration and they are the guests of honor ,we say YES.
We hugely party down on the Big 8, but I hope that my children know each and every day how special they are and just to be with them is like winning a lottery ticket every morning when they wake up.
There are many adoptive parents that have big get togethers for Gotcha Day with guests and presents, I am certain that these big events have invited guests that are families that were formed in the usual and regular(dare I say boring) way who may wonder what the big deal is ,which then leads them to having to deal with a bio child wondering out loud where are their Gotcha day gifts and so on.
No dount that there will be many moments in your adoption that will remain as highpoints in your life as a parent. Days that are meant to be remembered and savored and maybe even marked in their passing in significant and private manner.
My children know they are adopted and our family is unique in the way it was built and we Thank God everyday that we were blessed to be together. Our goal , is the same as other adoptive families, to just be a plain old family. For others and ourselves to mostly forget the adopted part and just be the same as everyone as we live our life, A mom and A dad , A brother and A sister just like everyone else. I think by continually pointing out the each and every extraordinary milestone to them and the world on an annual basis would rob them of some of this sameness we hold so precious. I think every family, even those that have not gone through adoption should set aside a Family Day and take a pause and truly be thankful for each other and the journey it took to their children and mark that moment each year.
So before you print up those GOTCHA DAY Cookout announcements or send out those 'We have Been a Family for 5 years" invitations maybe you can think of a more private, personal and more easily carried on tradition for yourselves and your children,.
Gather all those special moments , emotions and love and pile it onto one day a year.
The rest of time the BIG 8 will do just fine.
Make that 9, forgot Halloween.
OK , make that 10, Summer Vacation!!
3 Comments:
Hi Kim,
can't find your email again but 2 things...can youpost my blog on your last entry on FRUA. I can't because I am in the process adn my agency has identified me once before. Also are you interested in putting the blog roll on your blog so people can read about families at all stages. My blogroll is organized from people starting to people home. If you email me I will send you the blogroll to insert to your template. Let me know
I've just spent way to long reading your blog and it is so interesting. You're a great writer!
Gotta go to bed, but just wanted you to know I love it!
HILARIOUS!
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